The Fitness Adviser

A long time ago, there ruled a very powerful king named Charlie. Now, King Charlie had everything that anyone in his time could ever dream of, for he ruled over the richest and most powerful kingdom in the world, and it was good to be the king. But there was one thing King Charlie did not have, and could not seem to acquire despite his best efforts. Six pack abs.

[This is a "King Penguin", not to be confused with a real king.]

So one day, King Charlie called in three of his best advisers to give him tips on how to get ripped abs. The first adviser was Arnold, a famous bodybuilder whose ability to build muscle was known throughout the land. The second adviser was Jack, who preferred a less massive but more toned look than Arnold and was extremely popular with the non-bodybuilders.

The third adviser was Rafi Bar-Lev. Now, Rafi Bar-Lev was not known for building muscle like Arnold, and he did not have as many followers as Jack. But he did have a reputation for being sincere and giving advice that almost always seemed to work, even when the advice wasn’t popular or went against conventional wisdom. He was appointed as an adviser because the king appreciated his sincerity, and many believed that once more people in the kingdom would learn of him, that he would become the most sought after fitness expert in the kingdom.

[I wonder which gives a higher adrenaline rush. Alpine climbing or talking to an unpredictable king. I'd rather not find out...]

As the three advisers entered the throne room, King Charlie began to speak, “I’ve called you all today for one reason, and one reason alone. I wish to know how I can acquire six pack abs and I seek your advice. However, just as a warning. He who dares to even mention acai berry as a solution, whether Oprah does or does not support his claims, will be flogged. Now carry on.”

Jack was the first to answer. “My king, the only way you can acquire the abs you desire is by lowering your body fat percentage. Once your body fat percentage is low enough, you will get what you seek.”

Jack’s answer found favor in the king’s eyes, so he ended the meeting before any of the others could speak. The king then went on a strict diet, losing pound after pound after pound until his body fat percentage was so low you could almost see his ribs. But there was no six pack. The king was so furious that he had Jack exiled from his kingdom, and called the remaining advisers to give him the tips he needed to get the abdomen he desired.

This time, Arnold was the one to answer him. “My king, there is only one way to acquire the abdomen you speak of, and one way alone. You must do thousands upon thousands of crunches, day after day, for months, while drinking high calorie protein shakes. Only then will you get what you seek.”

This answer found favor in the king’s eyes, and like before, he ended the meeting abruptly. The king then went on to do thousands upon thousands of crunches while drinking high calorie protein shakes for months. After many months, the king looked at himself in the mirror in horror. Not only did he not improve, he had gotten fat. Angrily, he banished Arnold from his kingdom and called in Rafi Bar-Lev, the last remaining adviser, to help him achieve his goals.

[One of the coolest things is when you're on a mountain that's above the clouds. Because you're literally "living above the clouds."]

Rafi Bar-Lev, with an aura of self confidence about him, answered calmly, “My king, doing thousands of crunches will not give you what you seek, and neither will lowering your body fat percentage. However, if you strengthen your abs with exercises like the plank as well as lower your body fat percentage, you will indeed get what you seek.”

“Also, may I recommend to you one of the excellent programs from my Ten Dollar Store to help you with your workouts?” Rafi Bar-Lev said.

“How can you sell workout programs for only ten dollars? I warn you, if you are trying to scam your king I will highly consider having you hung!” King Charlie replied.

“Well, despite us having the most powerful kingdom in the world, the economy isn’t what it used to be, and fitness is a tough business. Besides, the idea is to sell things to people at a really cheap price while hoping that they come back to buy more.” Rafi Bar-Lev said.

“Hmm. Seems pretty straightforward to me. I’m going to buy one of the body weight programs since I don’t have weights, but you better hope that your advice works.” King Charlie said. With that, he immediately went off to practice what Rafi Bar-Lev taught him. After a few months, he looked at himself in the mirror, and immediately called for Rafi Bar-Lev.

“Rafi Bar-Lev, your advice did not give me the results I was looking for!” King Charlie yelled angrily.

“It didn’t?” Rafi Bar-Lev answered, in more than a little bit of shock.

“No…I have an eight pack!” King Charlie said, laughing hysterically and extremely happy with himself for the prank he played. He was in such a joyous mood that he even allowed Arnold and Jack to return to the kingdom, although he would make sure to consult Rafi Bar-Lev first on all issues related to fitness. The last thing to happen on that day, was King Charlie proclaimed that Rafi Bar-Lev would be known throughout the land not as Rafi Bar-Lev, but as The Fitness Adviser.

Why 6 Pack Abs Are Not Hiding Under Your Body Fat

The point of this story was to show that you don’t have toned abs waiting for you under your “flab” like a lot of people would have you believe. You need to actually tone and build the ab muscles just like you would tone and build your biceps or your chest. The trick is to both burn up your fat as well as work your abdomen. Doing those two things together is the real trick to toning up your abdomen.

What did you all think of the story?

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Humor, Miscellaneous by Rafi